Sunday, November 10, 2013

Being pregnant blows my mind.

No posts in a few months feels like blog neglect to me. As most of my friends who still blog seem to be posting less and less as well, it makes me wonder if this is a fading trend. It also makes me wonder if this blog thing will continue to happen. It is nice to have a place to share thoughts and photos that is seen by a much smaller selection of friends. I guess that's why we have this? In any case, posting less in the past several months hasn't been intentional. It seems that life really has gotten busier than ever. Busier, with less things that seem blog-worthy.

Except, of course, that I'm pregnant. Now that is blog-worthy. Which is one of the reasons I am not taking this hour to nap and am writing instead. There are so many thoughts that I have wanted to record and express and just haven't made time.

This is my first pregnant belly shot, taken at 25 weeks. Is that pathetic?

Being pregnant is the most bizarre thing I have yet experienced. 

My body. It is indescribable to watch and feel my body change on a daily basis. I read and learned all about those physiologic changes of pregnancy while I was in school. But to experience it in my own body is different. I know my blood volume has expanded by 50%, and I can recognize how that fact is changing noticeable things in me. I know how the hormones going through my body are different, and I can see the evidences of this. I knew I'd get big and I knew I'd change shape, but I didn't fully appreciate how difficult it would become to dress myself, and how I would literally need a completely new wardrobe. I couldn't have anticipated how it would feel to have my belly stretch, little by little. I was feeling "full" at 3 months; that's 6 more months of fullness to go! My changing body blows my mind every single day, in one way or another. 

The little boy growing inside of me blows my mind too. I read the week-by-week guides. This week I read that babies at this stage are an average of 2 pounds and 14 inches long. (I bet my little guy is a little longer than average.) I have 3 months of pregnancy left and this child still has lots of pounds to gain. That actually freaks me out a little, to be honest. He's had all of his parts for a long time now, though. He's just hanging out in me, developing his heart and lungs, his brain, his muscles. And is he ever working on his muscles!!

Feeling him move rocks my world. It gets uncomfortable sometimes, but it doesn't matter. One of my favorite things is when we are getting ready to go to bed at night and he starts kicking big time. I love to watch my belly move. It always makes me laugh, which means I shake right back at him. I hope he doesn't dislike it; to me, it kind of seems like a game between us. He kicks, I laugh, shaking up his home. I love for his daddy to put his hand on my belly and feel him move. It is the best thing in my life right now. 

I've heard people say, "I love being pregnant." A few months ago I told Burke that if I ever said that he could remind me real quick that that's not true at all. I really had a tough time this summer, and it wasn't like the tough stuff was over when I hit 2nd trimester, either. Baby boy still has a lot of growing to do, too, so I know that the relatively few physical complaints I have at this stage will expand soon. And even in this very moment I probably wouldn't say "I love being pregnant." 

But I will say this: just experiencing pregnancy itself (since I haven't yet given birth or become a parent) fills me with amazement and wonder and gratitude for the immense privilege I'm being given.